What are my roles as a Bridesmaid?
Updated: May 4
After seeing your girl go on dates and staying up late to hear her tell stories of time spent with a boy, you might have a big secret you can not tell her - he is asking her to marry him. Trust us when we say we understand how this can be one of the toughest secrets in life to keep especially when you are keeping it from someone you would most likely tell anything to! Once that day comes, you feel like your heart could explode from excitement because your girl is going to marry the man of her dreams!
Photographer: Christa O'Brien Photography
Two of your favorite people are engaged but he wasn’t the only one who had to propose! Once she solidified the bridal party and popped the question, it’s your turn to be totally confused on what to do next. There are so many titles and responsibilities associated with being in a wedding it’s hard to know which things you are presumed to do.
Setting expectations. Not only is every wedding different, every bride has different expectations as to what you are suppose to do. She might want a big bridal party but gets overwhelmed by a lot of opinions - that was owner Megan. She had 10 bridesmaids but getting opinions from 10 girls plus a mom & a grandma & future in-laws was too many thoughts and she felt she couldn’t make anyone happy. As a solution to this conundrum, she stuck with Becca (her MOH) and her mom to help her sort out her thoughts. Maybe your bride likes to know everyone’s side and it helps her make a more informed decision! You know your bride - she asked you to stand by her on one of the biggest days of her life! Just ask her how involved she wants you to be! It sets the stage for the entire engagement process and let’s her know you are willing to do anything she asks of you!
What is a MOH? MOH stands for two abbreviations of the same thing - Maid of Honor & Matron of Honor. Maid is unmarried and Matron is married, it’s just that simple. These titles mean you are the bride’s go-to-girl and with it comes a lot of responsibility. You are expected to attend every shower, plan a bachelorette party, go dress shopping and to fittings, be there for tastings or meetings with a vendor, and be the main point of contact for all the other bridesmaids. Maybe the hairstylist wants everyone’s hair washed and dried before hitting the chair the morning of the wedding - you need to send out that text to make sure everyone knows what they need to do. Any little thing that takes stress off the bride from the time you are asked to wedding day (especially the closer you get to wedding day). Just walk through this time of engagement like you walk through the rest of life with your girl!
Bridesmaid Duties. So your card said bridesmaid but don’t start thinking that because you aren’t MOH means that you don’t have to do anything! You have your own list of special tasks that come from your girl - maybe she wants you to come to one shower or to a fitting. Your most important task is being involved. When there is a group message set up with all the girls talking about the Bach, respond to it. It is important you show the bride and her friends you actually want to be a part of this day! Make an effort to attend everything she asks you to attend and put your input in when it comes to rehearsal dinner dresses. Buy your dress on time & get it altered well in advance - don’t wait til the last minute. Most importantly - just be there. Don’t make her regret her decision on asking you to be in the wedding because you are looking like you could care less about showers or her bach or dresses. Let her know you care because that’s all she really wants!
What is she thinking? As a bride, there is nothing worse than being bombarded with questions about your day by every person in your life. She wants to talk about her upcoming wedding and the choices she’s made but not in super depth to strangers. The one group of people she wants to hang out with leading up to the wedding and have it be normal with are with you - her bridal party! Sure, wedding talk will come up every so often and she will be more than willing to share. But you don’t want to be the one asking questions every single time you see her. Give her a break but when she does ask for opinions, give your honest ones. Don’t just say yes because you can tell she likes it - you are a trusted core for her wedding and you want it to look just as good as you would for your wedding. Don’t be afraid to challenge her when it comes to decisions - just don’t push too hard.
The bottom line here is - be there. If you are MOH, be there. If you are a bridesmaid, be there. If you love the bride but weren’t asked to be in the wedding but you hang out a lot, be there. Every bride wants a tribe that stands by her side and wants to be involved. Make this wedding experience the best for her because she’s only in this stage of life once with all of the people she loves. Just be there.
A Note to Brides.
You’ve thought long and hard about the girls you are going to pick to stand by your side. You know each of these girls well. Make sure you set expectations early on so they know what they are getting into. For example, maybe one of your potential bridesmaids is pregnant and will be far along come wedding day, she probably needs to be less involved when it comes to responsibilities as opposed to others. Maybe you have a potential bridesmaid who is a full time student, she may not be able to go to a Wednesday at 3pm fitting. Setting expectations allows for your potential bridesmaids to see what moments you would cherish with them. Be understanding if one of your girls can’t be 110% involved. It doesn’t mean that she loves you any less or doesn’t care about your wedding. Sometimes life happens and gets in the way. Time spent stuffing wedding favors may be memories you will cherish forever with your bridal party, but if life happens it’s nothing to lose a friendship over! This is your girl gang and you want to have them by your side for all the big moments in your life, not just your wedding day!
-Megan & Mallory